EPISODE 3: CHILL AND GRACE

More about:
EMERGENCE HEALTH NETWORK
In this episode we talked to Lupita Peña from Emergence Health Newtork.
Emergence Health Network (EHN) provides trauma-informed care centered around the needs of individuals with intellectual/developmental disabilities, behavioral health and/or substance use treatment needs. Designated as the Local Mental Health Authority (LMHA) and Local Intellectual/Developmental Disabilities Authority (LIDDA) in El Paso County, EHN offers a wide array of programs at multiple locations throughout the area. EHN is Joint Commission Accredited and recognized as Certified Community Behavioral Health Clinics.
  For more information about their counseling and crisis services, visit: Emergence Health Network at www.emergencehealthnetwork.org or call their Toll Free Crisis Hotline toll free 1-877-562-6467 or 915-779-1800
 

OUR HOLIDAY TRADITIONS
By Cecilia Marquez
I’m reminded every year as I stand in the line that extends out the door of the La Reina on North Loop, just how wonderfully hectic and stressful the holidays are with family.
        Every year, we have the same discussion, “should we get 30 or 40 pounds of ‘masa’?” We know that 20 just isn’t enough. We usually just end up buying 50 pounds of “masa” to make tamales for the family Christmas celebration because, “mejor que sobre, ni que falte.”
         These traditions of making tamales, getting together to pray the rosary, or doing a posada, are just some of the many that families in the borderland mix into their Christmas celebrations. In our family, these traditions were started decades ago by my grandmother, and, despite the stress of the holidays, they can add a sense of safety and peace at a time when there are so many unknowns. The entire year builds up and it’s almost certain that everyone will congregate for the holidays.
               I adore my extended family and consider my cousins to be siblings, but as we’ve grown up, we each have different focuses in our lives. It’s easy to feel distant as we get wrapped up in our individual lives, but the holidays are an opportunity to bridge that gap and bring us back to where we started.
  If your family is anything like mine, you have your “tias” who run the show. Despite being 43 years old, you’re easily taken back to being just a kid and “voluntold” to “go get the salsa out the refrigerator” or “run to the store and get more ice.” Out of reverence, you would never consider saying, “I’m in the middle of a conversation,” you drop everything and do as you are told. I’m guilty of feeling overwhelmed and must remind myself that there will come a time when not everyone will be here and to enjoy the sageness in the room.
   One of my favorite traditions my grandmother, Maria Lopez, started is also the humblest. Being the matriarch of a family of 10 children, buying individual gifts was not always an option. She did, however, manage to make individual “gift bags” for each of them, filled with pecans, an orange or apple, and a few candies to create a sense of giving for the season. As we’ve each started our own families, the “gift bags” are a tradition that we continue to this day to pay homage to a time when the spirit of giving wasn’t about receiving presents but being grateful for the family we have.
   As we enter the final months of the year, I start feeling anxious about being around a lot of people, ensuring I have enough gifts for everyone, and dealing with those who aren't always kind. However, my anxiety is deflected because I look forward to making tamales with my aunts, contributing to the gift bags, and trying out all the delicious food that helps to get me through to the new year.   As with all family, there can always be unexpressed feelings of hurt and bitterness, and although I am not a therapist by any means, I urge you to take the opportunity to bake, cook, sing, or read something that reminds you of your loved ones to help ease any anxiety you might be feeling.
 
FAM-BAM, THANK YOU MAAM: CELEBRATING YOUR CHOSEN FAMILY
By Izzy Mora
Family: One of the basic social constructs of life. Within this basic “grouping” is that of Father, Mother, and child(ren). Themz the basics.
HOWEVER, because we are human, complicated, and are made from the very gnarled threads of our individual family fabric…nothing is so cut-in-cloth as the Two-Parent, 2.5 plus children scenario – from the 1950’s. The item of family within our own details of mental/emotional makeup can be a slippery slope to navigate that is rife with shifts and turns of all sorts. Nobody is guaranteed the ideal, although there is a certain truth to the idea of the 2-parent, 2.5… after all, most clichés got their start somewhere.
    Within families, whatever their construct, lie the quirks and joys that make us the convoluted – and marvelously flawed beings that we are. In essence, your family, or lack thereof for “Only” Children, create your mindset, your values, your views on everything, running the gamut of all of the biggies: work, love, relationships, Arts & Humanities and yes…the dreaded political and religious ideologies under which we operate. In other words, you are both wonderful and messy as the result of the family dynamics that presented themselves at the door of your crash-course in development. ALL were created as kids, within the dynamics of your family – like it or not. Basically, your “Glow Up and ‘F-up’ are tied to the same core.
   When one is QUEER, the idea of family can be further complicated by your sexuality once you’ve figured out who and WHAT it is that you like. This likely means that you will not be giving your family the traditional setup as we clamor our way to adulthood. This becomes acute in the cases of transgender and nonbinary youth specifically who believe their home to be unsupportive and gender-affirming. This can really mess with your head, taking its toll on mental health.
Enter the idea of “The CHOSEN Family”. The concept of chosen families comes from Queer people. It is the result of so many in this community who unfortunately find themselves misunderstood and sometimes even rejected by their biological families. Basically, a chosen family consists of the people who understand you, lift you up, celebrate you, help you, and love you, even without biological ties.
 And, because you gots principles and a heart…you’re there for them as well.
So, What Are the Benefits of A ‘Family of Choice”?
These people can provide you with the love and support that you might be lacking from your biological family. They can also provide you with extra support to enhance the good that you get from your blood relatives.
HERE’S THE GOOD STUFF:
• They Understand the unique struggles you face
• Validate your life experiences
• Affirm your sexual and/or gender identity
• They provide you with someone you can call in case of emergency
• Be a person that you can confide in
• Provide you with someone you trust and rely upon
• They are people that you share your successes with as well as your disappointments
Every Healthy Relationship is a two-way street
How you treat your chosen family members is as important to these relationships as it is any other. You gotta’ give what ya’ get! So let a brother or sister know how much they mean to you. Tell them that you are here to support them however you can. Offer your help when they’re going through hard times, be a shoulder to cry on, and cheer them on through their victories and happinesses.
Celebrating The Holidays With Your Chosen Family
Society can put a lot of pressure on us. This is further pushed by the constant barrage of ideals, ads, and movies that we are bombarded with by the media, films, television, and online communications. Who says that our holiday celebrations have to be traditional? In many instances, “traditional” celebrations during the holiday season can be very anxiety and stress-inducing for some people.
There is no “right way” to celebrate the holidays –– whether that’s Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, or New Year’s Eve. Do it up in your own way. You could really enjoy the creativity of your queer flare and almost innate (for some) flair for décor and new tradition.
Enjoy the holidays rather than dread them
Start new traditions with your chosen family such as:

• Potluck dinners
• White elephant gift exchanges
• Community service events (like serving dinners to ousted or homeless queer youth
• Movie nights
• Ugly sweater parties

Any of these celebrations don’t have to be big. You can celebrate with just one chosen family member or a small group. It’s a matter of choice. Most importantly, have fun making the holiday your own and come up with new traditions that you can look forward to year after year. If there are obligations you can’t get out of on the day of, you can make plans that are just for you and your chosen family during the surrounding days of a holiday.
Just remember to use the holidays as an opportunity to show your chosen family how much you love and care for them.
A real benefit after all that comes out of this Queer life is you get more than one family. You have a choice – Your Family of Choice…
YOUR FAM-BAM!
 
PROTECTING YOUR EMOTIONAL HEALTH OVER THE HOLIDAYS
By Ted Escobedo
Holidays are a time to get together with your family and celebrate. Many people consider the holidays their favorite time of year. But for people who have complicated relationships with their family members, the holidays can be an incredibly stressful time. Here are two ideas to help you manage complicated family dynamics during the holidays.
• Give yourself space
It’s important to set boundaries and create space for yourself. Sometimes, that means actual physical space, like getting a hotel room and not staying at your relatives’ house. Even if they are hosting the holiday gathering, having a hotel to retreat to at the end of the day can give you peace. Drive yourself or rent a car if you must. Just knowing you can leave when you want to can be a huge relief.
• Prepare for awkward conversations and know your limit
If you know difficult topics will come up, you can prepare a response. For instance, if a family member body shames you (just as you knew they would,) you can say something like, ‘I appreciate your concern, but my weight is my business.’ Then change the subject.
If you’re uncomfortable with the topic of conversation at the dinner table or your family has started arguing, it’s also perfectly acceptable to walk away from the situation. You could offer to clear the table, take out the trash, excuse yourself to the bathroom or say that it’s time to take the dog for a walk. You don’t have to participate in a family argument. Respect yourself and your boundaries, and don’t take the bait.