Queer relationships and dating advice

   Single people in the LGBTQ community face the same dating challenges as our heterosexual counterparts. It takes the same effort to find a suitable partner, build a strong, long-lasting relationship, and improve that relationship over time. Of course, all queer identifying singles still face additional challenges like discrimination, acceptance, and representation in the hetero-oriented world.
    But that is improving.  Same-sex marriage laws and more tolerant societal attitudes about the LGBTQ community have empowered the LGBTQ community to get married, have children, and create families. While this acceptance has opened the door for couples who are seeking a ‘traditional’ union, it is important to remember that every relationship is unique and should be defined solely by the people involved in it. But before we get to the relationship stage, we must put ourselves on the dating market.
   Dating can be complicated.  No matter how you approach it, dating comes with certain expectations. For some, we are looking for our partners to be our best friend. Others are looking for someone to fulfill all their sexual desires. Still others are looking for a partner to support their dreams, share financial burdens, and completely cohabitate. Some of these expectations may be unrealistic – especially of you are new to dating.
   Now we can explore dating options simply by reaching for our phone. Dating sites and apps have replaced bars, restaurants, and other social spaces where same-sex couples would normally meet.   Because finding a potential partner has become more immediate and convenient, LGBTQ relationship rates have increased dramatically in the last decades. Studies show that more than 60% of same-sex couples meet online and there are more gay and lesbian couples than ever before. But online dating has also influenced how people make decisions about their relationships. Due to a bombardment of possibilities, people may be less attentive to more suitable partners and more vulnerable to connecting with incompatible partners. This is especially true for those who want a long-term relationship.   Plus, the illusion of endless possibilities and choices may make people more apt to discarding a good relationship if it doesn’t immediately fulfill most of our needs.
  The coming out process can also affect dating. Dating challenges depend on when an individual started the coming out process. The more recently a person has come out, the more inexperienced they may be regarding relationships ore perhaps unsure of what they are looking for.
• Try to date someone who is in a similar coming out stage. The future success of a relationship is more likely if both partners are at or around the same stage. If you are out and your partner is not, you can become frustrated and resentful at your partner because of their inability to be open and honest about the relationship. On the other hand, the more closeted member of the pair can feel pressured to come out before he/she is emotionally ready. This can lead to anxiety and resentment too.
• If you are looking for a long-term relationship and not just a hookup, rethink your relationship with social media. Many social media platforms are not love and commitment friendly. Instead, they focus on hookup culture. This can affect how your dates view you.
• Be clear about your monogamy versus nonmonogamy values and communicate them directly. Try to clarify your implicit expectations and make them explicit. Don’t assume that your idea of cheating is the same as that of your partner. Encourage conversations about your sexual preferences and sexual expectations. If you are looking for a long-term, committed relationship, and you are the type of person who wants to be loyal and monogamous, find someone with the same values. A well-trained sex therapist can help host these difficult conversations.
• Don’t move in together too quickly. Sometimes, we make decisions about living together without really deciding. It just happens. Many same-sex and other LGBTQ couples report that they started living together because their lease was up or because they spent a lot of nights together anyway. The decision to live together is an emotional and financial decision. It shouldn’t be made on a whim.
• Seek counseling from a relationship expert if you have had traumatic experiences coming out, if you were exposed to discrimination in your family, school or work, or if you don’t have much support currently.  Those experience can damage your self-esteem. You may find yourself repeating the same patterns repeatedly in your dating life. To improve your chances for successful same-sex dating, seek counseling to unlock your potential and improve your resilience.
•  Finally, keep in mind that the things that make LGBTQ relationships work are the same things that make any relationships work: attention to the relationship, a good sex life, kindness, respect, communication, compromise, trust, and safety. Be sure to seek the help of an expert in dating and relationships to get on the right track.
Posted by Ted Escobedo

Source: https://www.couples-counseling-now.com/same-sex-lgbtq-dating-relationship-advice/

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